These societal construct of timelines inevitably focuses heavily on the “next big thing,” as the things we have just achieved get shoved to the side, so that the emphasis is reverted back to other things we have yet to acquire. For example, for married couples, why is “when are you having children” an automatic question they have to face?

For me, questions like “when are you going to get married?” is constantly being popped, like it was so easy that all I had to do was walk along the street, tap a random stranger, and ask him to marry me at this very moment. It’s funny because it was as if dating is not exhausting, let alone finding someone who accepts you fully for who you are, including all flaws and perfection.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with the chasing of dreams and goals, it makes me wonder, where do we stop? When is it okay to just pause at life to actually enjoy the moment?

As I write this, I am just sitting at the porch, appreciating the gorgeous weather that we have today, looking at our amazing blue sky, smelling the fresh air brought by the trees, and listening to the chirping of birds. I realize I did not have to go to tourist laden places, fancy instagram-worthy overhyped restaurants, or out of the country beaches (albeit those are always welcome), in order to recognize the beauty of our life.

For the past couple of weeks, reflecting at life has been a major theme of my days, as I have disconnected and slowed down from the world. In my 20s, I realized that I am very attached to people, places, and even life goals. Now at 30, I would like to make a conscious decision to let things fall through places on their own, actually surrender myself to God and his timeline for me.

As christians, I think it’s easy to claim that we have surrendered, only to bitch endlessly to our friends when things have gone the complete opposite of our desires and only openly praise Him when we get what we wanted. This decade, I aspire to reach the epitome of not giving a fuck, as a reflection of my trust in Him, which I have been trying to grow for the past couple of years.

Even though I have learned a couple of years ago that we should not compare our timelines against other people, as each of us are in our own journeys, fully submitting to my own life path is still a work in progress. When people, or things, go south, I realize that I tend to have a firmer grasp on them, as they drifted even more like a sand slipping through my fingertips. Now I learn that as I let go and keep my hand open, the sand actually stay on my palm, instead of falling through the tight grasp that eventually holds onto nothing. Chasing people, things, or goals, can sometimes interfere in our ability to appreciate the present, as our mindset becomes obsessed and preoccupied with this “next big thing” imposed by the onlooking strangers.

I know it’s easier said than done not to be pressured by the consecutive milestones impressed by the society. However, I plan on taking each day as an opportunity for me to stop and smell the flowers along my road, as a way to say fuck the society and their preconceived notions of how I need to live my life, or the milestones I need to reach at certain age. I think it’s time to normalize acknowledging people as individuals, instead of a factory-made conformist of standards, which honestly do not guarantee happiness anyways. At 30, I am coming into terms with me being an outlier, as long as I am happy on my own and hurt no one along the process. I would like to be so content and happy with my life, that if one day someone actually dared to ask me about death, I could have answered that I am not afraid of it because I did not rush my life and lived it the way it was supposed to be lived.